(Authors note: This poem, rendered in olde english for comic effect and for reasons best known to those concerned, was written for the encouragment and incentivizing of my dear friend and employer to pursue a course of weight loss, for the purposes of his own well being and good health… The author would like to own up to being the owner of the dubious nickname “skinny rateth”…)

An Appeal To Ye Olde Employer

Note of dedication: To thou, whose tread doth shaketh the earth, and who, through the gross abundance of thyself, doth render thy reputation vulnerable to the likeness of the mighty whale-to thee, I dedicate this work, in the hope that it may halt the weary outward journey of thy midriff, and bring about a speedy retreat to its homelands of healthy and proper proportions…

I

Thy victuals have betrayed thee!

Haseth thou not eaten of thy fill?

Though greateth is the pleasure thy victuals confer

Doeth no shame restrain thy portions?!

The ground doth darken much under thy’s tremendous shadow!

Thy neighbours flee in anticipation of deadly quake-

Though twas only ye weighty footfall that shooketh the earth!

Greate crowds dissipate before thy fleshy vanguard-

For mucheth room doth thy frame require!

What doeth thee when work ariseth?

Thou beateth a hasty retreat with Machiavellian excuses-

For the excess of thy form inhibits thee from its natural use!

Ye panteth and sweateth like a champion of ye marathon:

Though ‘tis only a few yards that thy body has traversed!

Thy flesh doth shake and wobble like a royal jelly-

Though the appetite of a thousand kings could not devour thy portion!

Doeth no shame move thee (thou is not easily moved!)

To inhibit thy swelling!?

Is thy conscience numb to the judgement

Of the court of thy health?

If ‘tis not shame that will change ye

Perchance ye mockery of ye skinny rateth

May hasten thy wisdom!

Mindeth his mockery well-

And thy will, through intense irritation

And arousal of thy weezy wrath

Be moved to repent of thy size!

Copyright Daniel Macintyre 28/04/2024 protectmywork.com