(This poem can be considered a sequel to my earlier work: An Appeal To Ye Olde Employer)

Note Of Dedication: To thou, whose beard doth traileth low and doth greatly render thee akin to the wild beasts of the earth and the most ancient horrors of folklore; and who, through the grosseth surge of hairy mass that doth greatly obscure thy fleshy facade, doth render thyself worthy of the highest regard in ye olde trade of ventriloquism- to thou, I do addresseth these words, in the hope that they may bringeth about a speedy curtailing of the outward urge of thy bushy growth, and that thou art may be moved to rebuke the eager spirit of thy blossoming bush with the sharp discipline of thy razor…

Harken to the words of ye skinny rateth!-

for he hath raised his smiling orbs from thy swollen midriff,

and hath perceived a new and richeth vain of mockery

in the speedy advance of thy unruly bristles!

(para)

Thou art doth waxeth wild with thy greasy growth

which surrounds thee on all sides like a besieging army!

Like the Romans about ye olde Jersusalem

thy beard doth besiege thee like prophecy fulfilled!

Thy mouth is smothered beneath a hairy veil

and thy lips are rendered occulteth!-

whilst historic particles of ye bountiful foodstuffs

doth lodge malevolently in thy hairy outcrop…

When thou hath eaten and bolketh

’tis like the groanings of a fearsome spirit!

For thy orifice is now a hidden thing:

thine guests perceive not the source of thy gurketh!

(para)

Thou was once dominant, as thyself was examined,

but thou art hast been vanquished by thy unruly growth!

Thy onlookers are robbed of thy familiar features

which doth dwell within the depths of thine limitless bush!

The fair and tender maidens doth flee from before thee

in anticipation of eldritch horrors!

For thy form hath grown bestial with shaggy abandon

so that terror doth seizeth the weak and feeble!

I fancied I glimpsed thee, at ye olde zooeth,

when the steel houses of the beasts lay about me!-

(For, to surround oneself with hideous beasts

is to maketh thou seem everywhere!)

(para)

Is thou art consumed with the imitation

of ye olde mad monk, the despicable Rasputin?

(In which imitation, thou art is ersatz,

for the fair maidens would flocketh to the arms of the monk…)

Has thou set thy sights on the bewitching of aristocrats,

To twisteth their means to the ends of thee?

Doth thou seeketh refuge in thy tremendous thatch

to veil the curves of a Machiavellian grin?

Be warned, ye hairy old Devil

for the scrutiny of thine poet is upon thee!

The pen of ye skinny ratheth

will hacketh away thy flocculent facade!

(para)

Repent, therefore, and shaveth all around!-

in order that these mockeries may be blotted out!

Curtail thy brush, with razor (or machete!)

and reveal thyself in thy lesser horror!

Shorten the sail with which the wind doth seize thee

and reduceth the mane before which lions would cower!

Let ye skinny rateth look upon thy face once more-

that thou may have thy revenge!

(Copyright Daniel Macintyre 08/02/2026 protectmywork.com)